For the past three years, on my Instagram, I've been writing a yearly list of tips for staying happy when it's hard. And to be fair, I really hoped it helped people. But at the same time, it was a version of my advice that was glammed up and made to look 'pretty' for social media.
At each of those times, I was going through a pretty rough time in my life, and I don't think I should have been the expert on tips to staying happy. I had really toxic ways of dealing with my crap. So here's a real, raw unabridged version of what I think about mental health.
And I know Sasha loves all the happy stuff and the "stay happy", but this one might get a little bit more dark.
Without the numbers, the cute pictures (ok fine I'll add one), and the pressure of getting likes. Here we go.
First off, please know it's not realistic to be happy all the time. Oh no. Isn't that basically the premise of our blog? But seriously, you can't be happy if you don't have anything to compare it to. Don't feel pressured to be this amazing, magical bubble of happiness all the time. First off, it's not realistic. Second, you'd literally have no personality. Ew.
Next up in my really weird mental health rant, a lesson in economics! You'll see. There's a really fun economic concept called marginal benefit, and it kinda explains why it's better to get away from toxic people now than later. Here's an explanation from our favorite economics teacher Mr. Shanafelt, who compares marginal benefit and diminishing returns to his consumption of salmon nigiri at a sushi buffet. That first piece of salmon nigiri is LITERALLY like heaven. And the second piece is amazing as well, but maybe just not as good as the first one. The third one benefits you too, but it's not as amazing as either the first or the second piece. By the time you get to piece fifty, you want to puke. In simpler terms, although something might still be benefiting you, the amount that you benefit from it every time might get smaller and smaller. Take toxic friendships. You might still be benefiting from it, but for every time that you don't take the initiative to step away from that friendship, you gain less and less from it, and it gets harder and harder to leave, until you're a shell of your former self just hanging on because you have nowhere else to go. Honestly, while I might be about to fail the AP test, it taught me some good things about life.
Next up, losing people (whatever way you lost them). Earlier this year, I lost people in my life that I was close to, but it doesn't have to be death. It could be a breakup, a friend moving away, the end of a friendship, or a fight with your parents. I mean, it sucks. There's no other way to say it. I'm someone who loves plans, routines, and repetition, and for me, losing a friend messes up my whole balance. How to move on? Especially for toxic people, remember that it's okay to miss them. However, when you think of all the good times you had with them, remember that that person is no more. It's okay to treasure those good memories and the amazing person they made you into, but those are memories. You miss the good times WITH that person and who they used to be, not who they are now. People change, and that's okay. Maybe you guys were made for each other a couple years ago, but you changed in different directions. And maybe this seems a little repetitive and obvious, but more people need to hear it. I've always heard girls urging girls to forget their old friends and screw them, and to forget every single memory you had with them.
Finally, what defines you? If you had to sum up your personality to someone you'd just met in five minutes, what would you say? Would you talk about the hobbies, the things that make you light up inside, and your favorite minuscule moments in life? Or would you talk about people, things, and status? Again, it sounds cliche, but you'd be surprised how little you're able to explain yourself without people, things, and status. Don't freak out if you land in the second category. Everyone's been there at some point. Instead, focus on figuring out new hobbies that don't depend on who you're friends with or how cool they make you look. Look around your world and see what makes you have that smile on your face, or makes you forget to look at the clock for a few hours. And yeah, people are important parts of your life, but you have to face that whether you like it or not, people leave. All. The. Time. For many different reasons. Happiness comes from within (sorry I really promised I wouldn't be cheesy).
Sorry this isn't as elegantly worded, as classy, or as inspirational as Sasha's. This feels like a bunch of gloopy, weirdly worded truths. But these are just my thoughts, spilled out on a public website. (yay!)
Also this is my really cool best friend and co-owner of this blog (although she writes way more than I do). Love you dummy!! <3 So glad to be on this crazy journey with you!
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