Self love is not a science it's a lifestyle.
Life itself is already hard and with factors such as the media and growing popularity of self-hatred it is hard to really harness the idea of real self love and appreciation. Taking the step to accomplish self love is the first key and CRITICAL step to what we all naturally want: happiness!!
Recently, I worked as a costume dresser for a middle school musical production at a local theatre. I worked with around twenty beautifully talented girls who I know have a bright future ahead of them. As a part of this job constantly being in the dressing room with them ,helping manage all the costumes, I also ended up overhearing many of their conversations.
A few of them went as follows: "Ugh I'm such a bad singer" which was followed by the response "GIIRRRRL no you are amazing don't say that!"
While it's great that the girls supported one another, I found that sooner or later the girl who had originally told the other one not to say bad things about herself, said something about how "terrible" she looked. Again, another girl was quick to defend the other and the chain continued. When one said something untrue and bad about herself, another defended her and then proceeded to say something terrible about herself.
Up until one point I stayed quiet hoping they would come to an end insulting themselves soon until these words were said: "guys let's go around and say one thing we would want to change about ourselves." After suffering through a couple of their responses I decided that I couldn't sit around and ignore these terrible things they were saying about themselves anymore. I told them that I was going to establish a new rule saying that if they insult themselves, then they must counter it by saying two good things they think about themselves. I held them up to this, however then I noticed that they had a genuinely difficult time coming up with things to say that were good about themselves. Over time, I began to hear girls utilizing this rule and forcing one another to follow it when they said anything bad about themselves. God that made me so happy!
Next time you catch yourself saying something not great about yourself try to recognize that you did and think to yourself, "what do I love about myself?" Do your best to come up with two or more things and I promise you it is amazing what a tiny bit of positive affirmation will do for you and your mind.
**Try to avoid negative words such as "not"; instead of "I'm not ugly" (believe me I've heard that one a LOT before) say "I am beautiful." Because you are. You . Are . Beautiful .
However, I still can't shake one thought: Why is it so hard to come up with a compliment for oneself compared to someone else. Is it really possible to make a genuine nice comment to another person if you don't believe good about yourself?
As someone who feels as though recently I have grasped this idea of actually loving myself, I thought I would share my thoughts regarding this subject.
Let me say why I think self love is a crucial aspect of life. You are always stuck with yourself. You can't change into a different body, put on a mask, hide from who you are. Of course you can lie about it, get plastic surgery, or pretend it's not so, but you'll still be in your own body and you will be you no matter what you say to yourself. Now yes, of course you can change yourself to how you want to be and whatever that is, that is valid. But I strongly believe that if you change any part of yourself like that you need to do it for yourself and nobody else. If you want to go through a dramatic change like chopping your hair or going on a crazy diet restricting yourself of your favorite foods. Think to yourself: "Who am I doing this for?" If your answer is for me and this is what I want and how I want to look/feel, then do it. Go for whatever makes you happy. That is my first request. Do it all for you.
Not to sound cheesy, which I probably will, I sincerely believe that everyone no matter how they look are meant to be happy. As basic or fake as it may seem, I do believe that happiness is what will truly fulfill your life no matter how "successful" you are. The happier you are, the more successful you will be. But if you are stuck in a headspace of self-hate and constant beating down on yourself how can you possibly achieve that? This reasoning is exactly why I have set out on this journey to do all I can to possibly set my peers and those I come across on a path to real self love.
I am sick of seeing "motivational" social media posts saying things such as "You're beautiful" "Love yourself" "Choose self love"
While these posts and sayings have good intention, they're not doing any good. While I appreciate the efforts they make, I don't see them doing anything for the greater good.
By definition as said by Psychology Today, "Low self-esteem is a thinking disorder in which an individual views him/herself as inadequate, unlovable, and/or incompetent. Once formed, this negative view permeates every thought, producing faulty assumptions and ongoing self-defeating behavior"
Low self-steem which is very often linked to lack of self-love, is a disorder. It's not something you can simply ignore, force yourself to forget like all the "motivational" posts say to. Like I said in the beginning, self-love is a lifestyle and it cannot be something that you force yourself into. In order to achieve better self esteem and love, one must constantly be striving to positively affirm themselves. So when I say that self-loving is a lifestyle I mean that just like physically you take care of your body by healthily eating or exercising, similarly, you can love yourself by waking up and telling yourself that you look good and tell yourself you are strong.
Don't get me wrong, unless you're Jennifer Aniston or Beyonce maybe you don't get out of bed looking your best but if you tell yourself you don't then chances are you won't end up looking your best later on.
A friend of mine says that "self love is important because strengthens relationships with less insecurities and less acting out and less negative emotions." I have often heard it said that someone cannot truly love another unless they have love for themselves, and I can't help but agree with that because I have definitely seen cases of this before when people I knew had trouble with how they viewed themselves and that carried into friendships.
As a final statement I'd like to share, honestly, if you express what you feel insecure about to the general public, then yes, people around you will notice what you are referring to. I promise you that if you don't say anything nobody will notice it. And if they do, they will forget in a matter of seconds. You are your worst critic, and the one that you have MOST control of letting go of.
So with that, keep forcing yourself into the habit of telling yourself you are amazing. Humans are strong and can withstand A LOT. We are gifted with our brains and intellect, so use it to its full potential and be the best you can be. That is maybe a very commonly used phrase but it's true.
To anyone reading this: You are strong. You are you. You are amazing. Own who you are.
**I didn't edit this because I was excited to post it oh well** ;)
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